everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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