yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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