the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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