i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
pray to the hookup gods
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
