They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
