I'd wear matching sweaters with you
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
