Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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