You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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