this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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