Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
