she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
