he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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