but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
