im six kinds of drunk right now
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
