What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
