i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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