id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm too high and old for this...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
