So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
