No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
