I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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