she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
