Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
