wrigley field is MILF paradise
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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