Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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