how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
