I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
