How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
