remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
