We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
