Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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