this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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