Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
