The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
