yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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