it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
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