I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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