I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
