Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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