Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
