Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
