i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
