My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
