i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
