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I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
