You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
