I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
