I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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