One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
