dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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