My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
