dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
